100 Views!!!

Never did I think that anyone would want to read my blog, let alone...get 100 views! This is a post for those who take the time to ACTUALLY read my blog. It's not for if you like it or not (of course). If you do, that's even more great. This just goes to show, that something small can be started, and maybe it will become something amazing.

Here is my challenge to you, begin something new today. I put it at the end of every post, but I seriously want you to start something new. It could be a blog, getting a new friend, calling someone that you haven't in a while, or even going on a blind date. The point to this mission is to open your eyes to the possibility of life. I'm definitely not promoting negativity, by trying anything negative; such as drugs and alcohol. Keep it on the positive side, because when you start a positive, it just keeps coming...if you let it!

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Life is a stage...

How true the statement rings; "life is a stage, we are all merely actors." If you take life from this viewpoint...it makes everything seem more fascinating. Everyone knowing what they have to say, so perfectly. It's as if you're the star, but at the same time...you're the audience as well. The impromptu of life, how interesting to think of it in that way. We all grow so accustomed to the roles we have written for ourselves, that we grow to lose a hold of who our character really is. How easy is it to tell someone something, that could be entirely false, just to see their reaction? Maybe it's because you know what words to say to get certain reactions. It's a terrible gift to know what to say and how to say it. It's easy for me to break someone down to the core, in just one sentence. Of course, the sentence is different depending on what person I'm talking to. Each person has buttons, and I'm merely the observer.

Playing part, after part...you come to gain an understanding of who is real and who is acting. Sad thing about life is this, there are a lot of fakers. The thing is, you can see it as black and white but why not gray? An actress, am I? Real, are you? Is it good to be real or fake? We live in a society that craves fake. Fake food, advertisement, people, clothes, beauty, and so much more. So how is it a bad thing to just flow with the river? Go the path that is already set out for you? Or should you go the path that is unknown...get caught in a bush, or maybe run into a tree! Find something new, like a branch in the shape of a question mark. The path not taken isn't an easy path to live by, but it will give you rewards that are not valuable to the human eye. Or, would you rather take the path, where you know exactly where you're going, and everything is so perfectly planned, orderly, and you know where your life will turn out. Sure, there are many situations that you won't be able to foresee, but the basic plan will come true. Go to college, marry a boy, have kids...bumps? Flunk college, get a divorce, and lose custody. I'm not saying this to scare you. JUST TAKE A CHANCE. Breathe some air, and if you're tired of yourself...then be someone new today. You have permission to do so, it's not bad or good...it just is!

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Stranger Boy

Spent my day with a stranger. Looked in his glasses, and my whole life reflected in them...because all I could see was me. It's great to just scream the Wizard of Oz theme song and skip around town, or watch the sunset together...or even falling asleep to an epic movie. I can see why girls do that...but I want to find satisfaction in myself without someone, before throwing myself into a boy's arms. No kisses happened...only hugs...but still. There's something to be said about a girl that can't find peace in herself, unless she's staring into another boy's eyes. When I looked at him, I saw all the men who betrayed me before: my dad, Jacinto, and so many more. So I would hug him, and shut my eyes, trying not to let that all in...not to let it cloud who he is.

It was so exciting to not be the freak for once, or maybe just to be liked for who I am. To be crazy, and love it. Most of all, to not be made fun of. We were similar in the aspect that we are both disliked, because we're so strange. I thank him though, because instead of worrying about my future, I let that all go so I could get to know him; just to spend a day with him. Quirky, and strange as it was...I'm not sure if I want to let that go. Am I dumb for wanting that everyday, or smart for understanding that it's important to concentrate on what's going on for my future's sake. There are wounds that I know aren't yet gone...and I'm teary-eyed now, thinking about all of them. Some of them are tears of sadness, because I'm so broken. Some of them are tears of joy, because I ignored my problems, even if it was just for a day.


BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Peace

People could go their entire lives confusing peace and happiness. Then again...they get confused on what peace really is. What is peace? Is it a world where it's still, because there isn't war and anger? A home without yelling, or contention? A quiet room with no one around, and even your heart beat can be heard? I don't think any of these things can truly bring peace, and maybe this doesn't ring true at all...and maybe even happiness is really at the bottom of a wine bottle, but I will account of things that I think I know. Yes, silence can bring peace, in a way. As a sunset can bring smiles, and peace of mind. To me, true peace lays in the mind. It's the day when you can feel that you have won the war over yourself. When you know that you love, and not only tolerate...but appreciate yourself. There's a sweet and tender bliss that comes with the acknowledgment that you mean something, and this something is greater than you can even comprehend. The reason why you mean so much, is because you're a being, created through great purpose, with the capability of divine thought,. We live in a wasteful world, that teaches us to hate, and to dread each day. Why does it have to be this way? Why is it popular to be miserable? I've often wondered this, because I don't even understand the phrase "misery loves company". Because, I don't like people being miserable with me. Yes, I get angry, and yell at people...but when I'm truly in a state, where my heart is broken beyond repair, it's then when I want to be alone, because I understand it's something that shouldn't be shared. Anger wins my heart, each and every day...and I'm finally admitting to that, and I'm frantically searching for a change. A change of heart, so that one day I'll maybe live in happiness, through peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, and the understanding that today new...and open for change.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Dependable

Most of everyone is looking for something, or something to depend on. If you're not one of these people, then you're one of the few that depend on yourself. I've noticed this lately though...I don't really depend on others, and I'm usually crumbling under pressure, because I'm holding up this boulder of a life. I could have someone help me carry this thing, while I help carry their load...but I don't. Usually, I'm the one adding the problems of other people to the massive thing I'm already carrying. It's kind of like the thirsty bird, he comes down for water, and bobs back down for more water when he needs more. I'm the bird, but I'm drowning in the water. It all really depends on how you look at the situation. Haha, the funny thing about the words depends, is that it reminds me of diapers.

Society tries to tell us that we should depend on beautiful people, because APPARENTLY they're the reliable people, these days. Cartoons convey super heroes as dependable people, but look at how many times the Jane, or Louis characters nearly die! Who are we supposed to be depending on? The soldiers, who keep the bad guys out of our houses? The police force, fighting off the enemies within the lines? Firefighters, doctors, nurses, FBI, or even the government? People are born to be flawed creatures, so no matter what...we're bound to let down someone. So look up to the big guy upstairs, the one who created all this beautiful mess, because he cares and is dependable. 

Who do you depend on? Your mom or dad? Your sister or brother? Maybe your friend? ...or is it simply in yourself? If it's in yourself, you must remember to build yourself up, strong enough to face the blows. Or else your foundation will crack, and the entire being, which makes you who you are, will crumble and fall.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Ignorance Is Bliss

Have you ever heard of that saying before? If you haven't, then you definitely shouldn't be using this wonderful device that we call a SEARCH ENGINE. Go search it up, NOW. If you have, then that's just great! I have always thought that ignorance was actually happiness. For the longest of time, I thought this way. It wasn't till I found out terrible truths in my life, about people that I thought I knew. The people who are supposed to be caring, loving people, are actually the monsters living under your bed. In my case, it's just a monster...as far as I know. Discovering the truth, after so many years is more painful then knowing the truth right away. My monster was terrible, because he had sharp teeth, and said that he used them to eat food better. He had terrible eyes, and said he used them to keep an eye on me better. He had sharp claws, and said he used them to keep me safe from monsters. Piece by piece, I saw all the things wrong with the beast, the qualities that made him the monster that he is. Finally one day, instead of thinking about all the qualities, I finally saw the entire monster that he is...the whole person...and so what my mind always does, it reverts back to how good life used to be. A life of ignorance, a life of bliss.  The sad thing is, at the end of the day, I cry...knowing that my dad is that terrible monster. My mom says that I should still love him, but who could love a monster? I just really wish that I was the crazy one, imagining all this up...because this reality is so dismal.Yet...I so foolishly come to wonder if he has really cared this entire time, or if my trust has been used as bait for his many traps? So, would you rather live a life of ignorance, or bliss?

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Music

 Have you ever had a terrible day, and just wanted to scream along with Lincoln Park, or some other hard core music? I definitely have, and it's a horrible habit to break. I actually quit that habit last year, and my life has changed dramatically. There are still days that it seems like the cells in my body long for that kind of music, like a drug, but I turn on some feel good music and I change my mind. Why is it that our bodies crave the things that are the worst for us? Maybe it's what we grow on ourselves, what we're used to, and we're craving for something familiar, and solid. That music will never change, or falter. When I think of My Chemical Romance, I don't remember what the words said, I remember all the days I cried, because it made me think of the sad things in my life I couldn't change. When I come across Simple Plan, I don't remember how punk they are, I remember how I sang to them when my dad took my brothers away from my mom and I. Music can change how you view the world, it can alter your whole perspective. It can make you happy, or sad. It's that way, because it's art, and art has a way of doing that to people (only the great art, anyway). As an artist, I have to realize what kind of affect my art can have on other people, so I hide it away from everyone. I surround myself with it in my room, and say..."this is me...this is who I am". Why do I have to be what my art is? I don't. I can make a change, as can you. I can draw a new picture, do something different, and turn on a new radio station. At the end of the day, I just have to realize that feeling bad isn't a bad thing, but when doing it intentionally...it's a terrible thing. So don't let music, or the world dictate how you felt about today.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Bike Ride

This weekend, I went on two bike rides and while I was struggling in the middle of the two and a half hour ride, I thought about how this ride could be related to life. (Keep in mind that when going on adventures with my dad, you never know where you'll end up, or how far you'll have to go). When you start, it all seems so exciting, and great! You have your water and the bike that is so amazing, you wouldn't ask for another one. It's not that it's the best bike (life) out there, but it's what you're used to. While going up the hills (difficult times in your life), you just wish you could back peddle. Go back to the beginning, when everything seemed so easy. Life isn't like that, and neither are bikes. You can back peddle all you want, but you'll just end up stopping, unless you're on a hill. When you come to a turning point in your trip, you're excited because you get the opportunity to see everything again. What you fail to realize is this...it was greater the first time, or maybe you just magnified the awesomeness of what was around you in the past. When you're almost at the end (or the beginning again), you realize that you're almost out of water, and energy. You can't really remember how far you have to go, because you're so exhausted, but you finish the task with water left over.

Life is a lot like riding a bike! When it gets the roughest, you shut your eyes tight just to find the will within yourself to go on. The funny thing about closing your eyes is you miss things you would have noticed if your eyes were open. We often find the greatest things in the most terrible times of our lives. We meet people that we need to, make an impression, or even learn a life lesson. The problem is keeping both our eyes and minds open. When you do this, you would be surprised what kind of things will rush into your life; or even what great things were already in your life.  

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Cereal

Today at school, we had to give a speech about if we were cereal, what kind of cereal we would be. I had a difficult time thinking of a cereal, considering all cereal to me is boring...of course I have exceptions. I picked frosted mini wheats, because you would think that the cereal is plain and boring, till you hit the frosting! Then it's a SHA-BAMMY right inside your mouth, just exploding with it's sugary awesomeness. When you don't think it could possibly get any better, it doesn't. You begin to notice that the flavor is the same boring square that you once knew, once upon a time. The rush of that memory is simply depressing to you, because it's now a reality in your mouth. While you have all these thoughts and emotions within yourself arguing with one another, you know that you should have trusted your instincts with this cereal. I related this cereal to myself, saying how I'm an individual that people usually steer away from, then the sweetness of my kindness hits them, and it's so amazing. Finally, they hit the rough side, the gross parts of my personality...and they know they should have trusted their instincts. I was so nervous that I made it sound way more depressing than I just described it...I even said that I didn't really care about people, and because of that one phrase, my friends ignored me for the day. I'm used to that though, despite all the things I've done for them, because of one thing I've said...they shut me out, as they shut down. When looking back at this experience, I should have went with my first cereal...my favorite cereal, cheerios. The description is within the very word, so I don't have to explain, you just have to think about it. That's just how life is though...you sometimes say things differently, than you should. Maybe you even view yourself in a black and white mirror, whatever it is...life will always be different; I just wish people could be a little different. So do something different! Be different, think differently, if you're looking for something new! If you tired, then go for a run! If you're bored, go entertain someone. Just DO SOMETHING. I did something different today, and that's waking up at 5:30 a.m., and went for a two mile run (it was more like a dying jog). I actually started last Thursday...but today was different, because I was given the opportunity to watch the sun rise. It was almost like it smiled at me, as it came up...adding frosting to my life, and making my day just a little sweeter.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Perfect Life

There's so many concepts of what life should be, these days. What makes people happy, and what doesn't. It's all around you! Advertisement when you go to the store, on signs, on the t.v.,  when you listen to the radio, movies, magazines, books, music, and so much more! The media tells us how our lives SHOULD be, or how we should want them anyway. To the world, a perfect life is played out like this; be beautiful, be rich, do anything you want, have life handed to you, and so on. There are many things that society tells us to do, or what family persuades us to do, "get into business, or get into college. Do you want to be a burger flipper?" To shorten things up, people are dream killers. Life can be extraordinary, or the worst thing you'll ever have on your plate. Why does life have to be so cut and dry? It doesn't, because it's your life, and you can do anything you please. As long as what you please isn't terrible. It's like the saying, "freedom is free, until it isn't." I wish that school would teach people about life, and it does in a way...it teaches us that life sucks, unless you're involved. So get involved in life! Someone needs to teach people coping skills, because that really would have helped if I knew that earlier in life. We just need the determination and will power to continue life with a smile and laughter in our souls. Listen to this song for motivation, it sure helps me when I'm not feeling good. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHvgAJe8bvM&ob=av2n

What is a perfect life, in the eyes of Emily? A large house, to fill up with kids (and so my mom could visit), a giant yard, for gardening and hide and go seek, a room for art, writing, reading and so much more, and a place where it wasn't so dry. A husband to smile at me, when I looked into his eyes. To have children, so I could teach them what I know. Friends, to share my crazy stories with. A world where there was time in a day for sky gazing, and star staring. I don't really ask much out of my life, and it isn't unobtainable, so I'll have that perfect life one day. I know it will have fights and yelling, because that's just how life is.


BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Dreams

This actually isn't something that I thought would come up (considering my actual dreams at night are usual nightmares), but I think it's relevant to what's going on lately. What's going on? I'm about to start my senior year on Thursday. What does this have to do with dreams? It has everything to do with dreams, actually. I'm a person who has high expectations in life...and so I always want live to have life a certain way. Life isn't like that though, and that's why I love art so much. I love art, because despite the fact that your life may suck, and there's nothing you can do about it...you can make your own world. You can create anything you want, ANYTHING. It becomes real, something you can show to the world, even if everyone might not like what they see. I'm starting to realize something though, and that is this. Art is all about feeling, the more you made that person feel, whether it was positive or negative, you made them feel SOMETHING. When you give someone a strong feeling, they're bound to remember, and that's the gift that I have. My art isn't dull, or something that can be forgotten.  I have people telling me about art that I had done in the past, that I don't even remember doing in the first place. (I'm not saying I'm great, I definitely have room for improvement) This is where the problem comes in...what do I aspire to do with my life? I want to help someone, I'm tired of listening to people's problems, and not knowing what to say, or not knowing what to do. I want to create something great, that will change lives. I don't want to be remembered, but I do want my work to be remembered. I want people to remember what I did, because there will be physical evidence of what I did in my life.Who do I want to be, or to become? What do I want to do? No matter what I choose to do, because I live in a small town, people will try everything to drag me down with them. I'm a great person, I know that I am. Some of the things that I do, amaze me. I could let my mind wander, and work all day on a yard. Make it look amazing at the end of that day, and not remember that I did any of it. Same with art, music, or anything I do. I'm writing this blog for you, YES! YOU! That person, that I may not even know, that's reading the words I write. What do you want to do with your life? You don't have to tell me, this is where you think. Who do you want to be? To become? I want to be a mother, a wife, and have children. If nothing else, I want to impact the lives of children that aren't even born yet...my future kids. Because kids in general just annoy me, but they're still people, and people are great creatures.

Don't you wish that your life could be like the movie "Limitless"? Where all the main character had to do to change his crap of an excuse life was to take a pill. A magical pill, that wouldn't make everything better, but he was given the knowledge to know how to make things better. (Reminds me of the story of Nephi, how he asked the Lord for strength to break the physical bands, which held him down, instead of asking him to loose the bands)  I remember he said "Why is it that whenever your life exceeds your wildest dreams, there's a knife at your back?" Later he asks "Is it worth the risk? What would you do?" To me, it's worth the risk, because I would rather die great, than to die a nobody. Maybe that's why I'm so outspoken, and say so much! I want someone to hear what I have to say. Not necessarily that the words are coming from my mouth, but because I want to say something great.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Problems

Yeah, problems...everyone has them, but the funny little thing about life is this; almost everyone seems to think that they're the only ones with problems, or that their problems are greater than yours. You know exactly what I'm talking about! The friend who just complains about their lives to you, and expects you to listen every single time. It's okay if you don't pay attention, I do the same thing! It's really easy to do actually, just make sure you listen to every other word, or the last couple sentences. What will you do while you're NOT paying attention? The sky is your limit children! If you're someone imaginative (such as myself), then all you have to do is imagine you're somewhere more amazing than where you are at that moment. It could be a world of gumdrops, and sunshine! Where the sky is touchable, and it feels great! Or it could just be that same spot, minus the person talking to you at the moment. Usually, what I do, I simply start doing something else, if I really don't like that person. "Oh, I have this art ... thing I really have to get to", or I don't even SAY anything, I just start DOING something. AVOID EYE CONTACT. If you look into their eyes, they'll think you care about their problems. I have problems with keeping eye contact in the first place, even if I care immensely for that person...so this is a conundrum for me anyway.

One day, I strive to help people with their problems (psychology/art therapy), the only difference is ...I'll be getting paid. It sounds terrible, I know. I actually do care a lot about people, and will always put down my life, for the sake of someone else. It's amazing the lengths I go through, just to see someone smile or laugh. The depressing thing about getting older, is it get's more difficult to achieve this "simple", goal. Thank goodness I have a natural gift with knowing what makes someone feel happy. So when this day comes, I'll help someone with their problems, and they'll  not remember the things I said to them. You're probably thinking "well that's a terrible thing..." I don't think so, because they'll remember how I made them feel, and hopefully I made them feel great about themselves, and they'll have a brighter outlook on their life, and hopefully touch the lives of those around them. If I can JUST do that, I'll change the world one day, through some small, butterfly effect.