Dependable

Most of everyone is looking for something, or something to depend on. If you're not one of these people, then you're one of the few that depend on yourself. I've noticed this lately though...I don't really depend on others, and I'm usually crumbling under pressure, because I'm holding up this boulder of a life. I could have someone help me carry this thing, while I help carry their load...but I don't. Usually, I'm the one adding the problems of other people to the massive thing I'm already carrying. It's kind of like the thirsty bird, he comes down for water, and bobs back down for more water when he needs more. I'm the bird, but I'm drowning in the water. It all really depends on how you look at the situation. Haha, the funny thing about the words depends, is that it reminds me of diapers.

Society tries to tell us that we should depend on beautiful people, because APPARENTLY they're the reliable people, these days. Cartoons convey super heroes as dependable people, but look at how many times the Jane, or Louis characters nearly die! Who are we supposed to be depending on? The soldiers, who keep the bad guys out of our houses? The police force, fighting off the enemies within the lines? Firefighters, doctors, nurses, FBI, or even the government? People are born to be flawed creatures, so no matter what...we're bound to let down someone. So look up to the big guy upstairs, the one who created all this beautiful mess, because he cares and is dependable. 

Who do you depend on? Your mom or dad? Your sister or brother? Maybe your friend? ...or is it simply in yourself? If it's in yourself, you must remember to build yourself up, strong enough to face the blows. Or else your foundation will crack, and the entire being, which makes you who you are, will crumble and fall.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Ignorance Is Bliss

Have you ever heard of that saying before? If you haven't, then you definitely shouldn't be using this wonderful device that we call a SEARCH ENGINE. Go search it up, NOW. If you have, then that's just great! I have always thought that ignorance was actually happiness. For the longest of time, I thought this way. It wasn't till I found out terrible truths in my life, about people that I thought I knew. The people who are supposed to be caring, loving people, are actually the monsters living under your bed. In my case, it's just a monster...as far as I know. Discovering the truth, after so many years is more painful then knowing the truth right away. My monster was terrible, because he had sharp teeth, and said that he used them to eat food better. He had terrible eyes, and said he used them to keep an eye on me better. He had sharp claws, and said he used them to keep me safe from monsters. Piece by piece, I saw all the things wrong with the beast, the qualities that made him the monster that he is. Finally one day, instead of thinking about all the qualities, I finally saw the entire monster that he is...the whole person...and so what my mind always does, it reverts back to how good life used to be. A life of ignorance, a life of bliss.  The sad thing is, at the end of the day, I cry...knowing that my dad is that terrible monster. My mom says that I should still love him, but who could love a monster? I just really wish that I was the crazy one, imagining all this up...because this reality is so dismal.Yet...I so foolishly come to wonder if he has really cared this entire time, or if my trust has been used as bait for his many traps? So, would you rather live a life of ignorance, or bliss?

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Music

 Have you ever had a terrible day, and just wanted to scream along with Lincoln Park, or some other hard core music? I definitely have, and it's a horrible habit to break. I actually quit that habit last year, and my life has changed dramatically. There are still days that it seems like the cells in my body long for that kind of music, like a drug, but I turn on some feel good music and I change my mind. Why is it that our bodies crave the things that are the worst for us? Maybe it's what we grow on ourselves, what we're used to, and we're craving for something familiar, and solid. That music will never change, or falter. When I think of My Chemical Romance, I don't remember what the words said, I remember all the days I cried, because it made me think of the sad things in my life I couldn't change. When I come across Simple Plan, I don't remember how punk they are, I remember how I sang to them when my dad took my brothers away from my mom and I. Music can change how you view the world, it can alter your whole perspective. It can make you happy, or sad. It's that way, because it's art, and art has a way of doing that to people (only the great art, anyway). As an artist, I have to realize what kind of affect my art can have on other people, so I hide it away from everyone. I surround myself with it in my room, and say..."this is me...this is who I am". Why do I have to be what my art is? I don't. I can make a change, as can you. I can draw a new picture, do something different, and turn on a new radio station. At the end of the day, I just have to realize that feeling bad isn't a bad thing, but when doing it intentionally...it's a terrible thing. So don't let music, or the world dictate how you felt about today.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Bike Ride

This weekend, I went on two bike rides and while I was struggling in the middle of the two and a half hour ride, I thought about how this ride could be related to life. (Keep in mind that when going on adventures with my dad, you never know where you'll end up, or how far you'll have to go). When you start, it all seems so exciting, and great! You have your water and the bike that is so amazing, you wouldn't ask for another one. It's not that it's the best bike (life) out there, but it's what you're used to. While going up the hills (difficult times in your life), you just wish you could back peddle. Go back to the beginning, when everything seemed so easy. Life isn't like that, and neither are bikes. You can back peddle all you want, but you'll just end up stopping, unless you're on a hill. When you come to a turning point in your trip, you're excited because you get the opportunity to see everything again. What you fail to realize is this...it was greater the first time, or maybe you just magnified the awesomeness of what was around you in the past. When you're almost at the end (or the beginning again), you realize that you're almost out of water, and energy. You can't really remember how far you have to go, because you're so exhausted, but you finish the task with water left over.

Life is a lot like riding a bike! When it gets the roughest, you shut your eyes tight just to find the will within yourself to go on. The funny thing about closing your eyes is you miss things you would have noticed if your eyes were open. We often find the greatest things in the most terrible times of our lives. We meet people that we need to, make an impression, or even learn a life lesson. The problem is keeping both our eyes and minds open. When you do this, you would be surprised what kind of things will rush into your life; or even what great things were already in your life.  

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Cereal

Today at school, we had to give a speech about if we were cereal, what kind of cereal we would be. I had a difficult time thinking of a cereal, considering all cereal to me is boring...of course I have exceptions. I picked frosted mini wheats, because you would think that the cereal is plain and boring, till you hit the frosting! Then it's a SHA-BAMMY right inside your mouth, just exploding with it's sugary awesomeness. When you don't think it could possibly get any better, it doesn't. You begin to notice that the flavor is the same boring square that you once knew, once upon a time. The rush of that memory is simply depressing to you, because it's now a reality in your mouth. While you have all these thoughts and emotions within yourself arguing with one another, you know that you should have trusted your instincts with this cereal. I related this cereal to myself, saying how I'm an individual that people usually steer away from, then the sweetness of my kindness hits them, and it's so amazing. Finally, they hit the rough side, the gross parts of my personality...and they know they should have trusted their instincts. I was so nervous that I made it sound way more depressing than I just described it...I even said that I didn't really care about people, and because of that one phrase, my friends ignored me for the day. I'm used to that though, despite all the things I've done for them, because of one thing I've said...they shut me out, as they shut down. When looking back at this experience, I should have went with my first cereal...my favorite cereal, cheerios. The description is within the very word, so I don't have to explain, you just have to think about it. That's just how life is though...you sometimes say things differently, than you should. Maybe you even view yourself in a black and white mirror, whatever it is...life will always be different; I just wish people could be a little different. So do something different! Be different, think differently, if you're looking for something new! If you tired, then go for a run! If you're bored, go entertain someone. Just DO SOMETHING. I did something different today, and that's waking up at 5:30 a.m., and went for a two mile run (it was more like a dying jog). I actually started last Thursday...but today was different, because I was given the opportunity to watch the sun rise. It was almost like it smiled at me, as it came up...adding frosting to my life, and making my day just a little sweeter.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Perfect Life

There's so many concepts of what life should be, these days. What makes people happy, and what doesn't. It's all around you! Advertisement when you go to the store, on signs, on the t.v.,  when you listen to the radio, movies, magazines, books, music, and so much more! The media tells us how our lives SHOULD be, or how we should want them anyway. To the world, a perfect life is played out like this; be beautiful, be rich, do anything you want, have life handed to you, and so on. There are many things that society tells us to do, or what family persuades us to do, "get into business, or get into college. Do you want to be a burger flipper?" To shorten things up, people are dream killers. Life can be extraordinary, or the worst thing you'll ever have on your plate. Why does life have to be so cut and dry? It doesn't, because it's your life, and you can do anything you please. As long as what you please isn't terrible. It's like the saying, "freedom is free, until it isn't." I wish that school would teach people about life, and it does in a way...it teaches us that life sucks, unless you're involved. So get involved in life! Someone needs to teach people coping skills, because that really would have helped if I knew that earlier in life. We just need the determination and will power to continue life with a smile and laughter in our souls. Listen to this song for motivation, it sure helps me when I'm not feeling good. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHvgAJe8bvM&ob=av2n

What is a perfect life, in the eyes of Emily? A large house, to fill up with kids (and so my mom could visit), a giant yard, for gardening and hide and go seek, a room for art, writing, reading and so much more, and a place where it wasn't so dry. A husband to smile at me, when I looked into his eyes. To have children, so I could teach them what I know. Friends, to share my crazy stories with. A world where there was time in a day for sky gazing, and star staring. I don't really ask much out of my life, and it isn't unobtainable, so I'll have that perfect life one day. I know it will have fights and yelling, because that's just how life is.


BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Dreams

This actually isn't something that I thought would come up (considering my actual dreams at night are usual nightmares), but I think it's relevant to what's going on lately. What's going on? I'm about to start my senior year on Thursday. What does this have to do with dreams? It has everything to do with dreams, actually. I'm a person who has high expectations in life...and so I always want live to have life a certain way. Life isn't like that though, and that's why I love art so much. I love art, because despite the fact that your life may suck, and there's nothing you can do about it...you can make your own world. You can create anything you want, ANYTHING. It becomes real, something you can show to the world, even if everyone might not like what they see. I'm starting to realize something though, and that is this. Art is all about feeling, the more you made that person feel, whether it was positive or negative, you made them feel SOMETHING. When you give someone a strong feeling, they're bound to remember, and that's the gift that I have. My art isn't dull, or something that can be forgotten.  I have people telling me about art that I had done in the past, that I don't even remember doing in the first place. (I'm not saying I'm great, I definitely have room for improvement) This is where the problem comes in...what do I aspire to do with my life? I want to help someone, I'm tired of listening to people's problems, and not knowing what to say, or not knowing what to do. I want to create something great, that will change lives. I don't want to be remembered, but I do want my work to be remembered. I want people to remember what I did, because there will be physical evidence of what I did in my life.Who do I want to be, or to become? What do I want to do? No matter what I choose to do, because I live in a small town, people will try everything to drag me down with them. I'm a great person, I know that I am. Some of the things that I do, amaze me. I could let my mind wander, and work all day on a yard. Make it look amazing at the end of that day, and not remember that I did any of it. Same with art, music, or anything I do. I'm writing this blog for you, YES! YOU! That person, that I may not even know, that's reading the words I write. What do you want to do with your life? You don't have to tell me, this is where you think. Who do you want to be? To become? I want to be a mother, a wife, and have children. If nothing else, I want to impact the lives of children that aren't even born yet...my future kids. Because kids in general just annoy me, but they're still people, and people are great creatures.

Don't you wish that your life could be like the movie "Limitless"? Where all the main character had to do to change his crap of an excuse life was to take a pill. A magical pill, that wouldn't make everything better, but he was given the knowledge to know how to make things better. (Reminds me of the story of Nephi, how he asked the Lord for strength to break the physical bands, which held him down, instead of asking him to loose the bands)  I remember he said "Why is it that whenever your life exceeds your wildest dreams, there's a knife at your back?" Later he asks "Is it worth the risk? What would you do?" To me, it's worth the risk, because I would rather die great, than to die a nobody. Maybe that's why I'm so outspoken, and say so much! I want someone to hear what I have to say. Not necessarily that the words are coming from my mouth, but because I want to say something great.

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.