Life is a stage...

How true the statement rings; "life is a stage, we are all merely actors." If you take life from this viewpoint...it makes everything seem more fascinating. Everyone knowing what they have to say, so perfectly. It's as if you're the star, but at the same time...you're the audience as well. The impromptu of life, how interesting to think of it in that way. We all grow so accustomed to the roles we have written for ourselves, that we grow to lose a hold of who our character really is. How easy is it to tell someone something, that could be entirely false, just to see their reaction? Maybe it's because you know what words to say to get certain reactions. It's a terrible gift to know what to say and how to say it. It's easy for me to break someone down to the core, in just one sentence. Of course, the sentence is different depending on what person I'm talking to. Each person has buttons, and I'm merely the observer.

Playing part, after part...you come to gain an understanding of who is real and who is acting. Sad thing about life is this, there are a lot of fakers. The thing is, you can see it as black and white but why not gray? An actress, am I? Real, are you? Is it good to be real or fake? We live in a society that craves fake. Fake food, advertisement, people, clothes, beauty, and so much more. So how is it a bad thing to just flow with the river? Go the path that is already set out for you? Or should you go the path that is unknown...get caught in a bush, or maybe run into a tree! Find something new, like a branch in the shape of a question mark. The path not taken isn't an easy path to live by, but it will give you rewards that are not valuable to the human eye. Or, would you rather take the path, where you know exactly where you're going, and everything is so perfectly planned, orderly, and you know where your life will turn out. Sure, there are many situations that you won't be able to foresee, but the basic plan will come true. Go to college, marry a boy, have kids...bumps? Flunk college, get a divorce, and lose custody. I'm not saying this to scare you. JUST TAKE A CHANCE. Breathe some air, and if you're tired of yourself...then be someone new today. You have permission to do so, it's not bad or good...it just is!

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.

Stranger Boy

Spent my day with a stranger. Looked in his glasses, and my whole life reflected in them...because all I could see was me. It's great to just scream the Wizard of Oz theme song and skip around town, or watch the sunset together...or even falling asleep to an epic movie. I can see why girls do that...but I want to find satisfaction in myself without someone, before throwing myself into a boy's arms. No kisses happened...only hugs...but still. There's something to be said about a girl that can't find peace in herself, unless she's staring into another boy's eyes. When I looked at him, I saw all the men who betrayed me before: my dad, Jacinto, and so many more. So I would hug him, and shut my eyes, trying not to let that all in...not to let it cloud who he is.

It was so exciting to not be the freak for once, or maybe just to be liked for who I am. To be crazy, and love it. Most of all, to not be made fun of. We were similar in the aspect that we are both disliked, because we're so strange. I thank him though, because instead of worrying about my future, I let that all go so I could get to know him; just to spend a day with him. Quirky, and strange as it was...I'm not sure if I want to let that go. Am I dumb for wanting that everyday, or smart for understanding that it's important to concentrate on what's going on for my future's sake. There are wounds that I know aren't yet gone...and I'm teary-eyed now, thinking about all of them. Some of them are tears of sadness, because I'm so broken. Some of them are tears of joy, because I ignored my problems, even if it was just for a day.


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Peace

People could go their entire lives confusing peace and happiness. Then again...they get confused on what peace really is. What is peace? Is it a world where it's still, because there isn't war and anger? A home without yelling, or contention? A quiet room with no one around, and even your heart beat can be heard? I don't think any of these things can truly bring peace, and maybe this doesn't ring true at all...and maybe even happiness is really at the bottom of a wine bottle, but I will account of things that I think I know. Yes, silence can bring peace, in a way. As a sunset can bring smiles, and peace of mind. To me, true peace lays in the mind. It's the day when you can feel that you have won the war over yourself. When you know that you love, and not only tolerate...but appreciate yourself. There's a sweet and tender bliss that comes with the acknowledgment that you mean something, and this something is greater than you can even comprehend. The reason why you mean so much, is because you're a being, created through great purpose, with the capability of divine thought,. We live in a wasteful world, that teaches us to hate, and to dread each day. Why does it have to be this way? Why is it popular to be miserable? I've often wondered this, because I don't even understand the phrase "misery loves company". Because, I don't like people being miserable with me. Yes, I get angry, and yell at people...but when I'm truly in a state, where my heart is broken beyond repair, it's then when I want to be alone, because I understand it's something that shouldn't be shared. Anger wins my heart, each and every day...and I'm finally admitting to that, and I'm frantically searching for a change. A change of heart, so that one day I'll maybe live in happiness, through peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, and the understanding that today new...and open for change.

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Dependable

Most of everyone is looking for something, or something to depend on. If you're not one of these people, then you're one of the few that depend on yourself. I've noticed this lately though...I don't really depend on others, and I'm usually crumbling under pressure, because I'm holding up this boulder of a life. I could have someone help me carry this thing, while I help carry their load...but I don't. Usually, I'm the one adding the problems of other people to the massive thing I'm already carrying. It's kind of like the thirsty bird, he comes down for water, and bobs back down for more water when he needs more. I'm the bird, but I'm drowning in the water. It all really depends on how you look at the situation. Haha, the funny thing about the words depends, is that it reminds me of diapers.

Society tries to tell us that we should depend on beautiful people, because APPARENTLY they're the reliable people, these days. Cartoons convey super heroes as dependable people, but look at how many times the Jane, or Louis characters nearly die! Who are we supposed to be depending on? The soldiers, who keep the bad guys out of our houses? The police force, fighting off the enemies within the lines? Firefighters, doctors, nurses, FBI, or even the government? People are born to be flawed creatures, so no matter what...we're bound to let down someone. So look up to the big guy upstairs, the one who created all this beautiful mess, because he cares and is dependable. 

Who do you depend on? Your mom or dad? Your sister or brother? Maybe your friend? ...or is it simply in yourself? If it's in yourself, you must remember to build yourself up, strong enough to face the blows. Or else your foundation will crack, and the entire being, which makes you who you are, will crumble and fall.

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Ignorance Is Bliss

Have you ever heard of that saying before? If you haven't, then you definitely shouldn't be using this wonderful device that we call a SEARCH ENGINE. Go search it up, NOW. If you have, then that's just great! I have always thought that ignorance was actually happiness. For the longest of time, I thought this way. It wasn't till I found out terrible truths in my life, about people that I thought I knew. The people who are supposed to be caring, loving people, are actually the monsters living under your bed. In my case, it's just a monster...as far as I know. Discovering the truth, after so many years is more painful then knowing the truth right away. My monster was terrible, because he had sharp teeth, and said that he used them to eat food better. He had terrible eyes, and said he used them to keep an eye on me better. He had sharp claws, and said he used them to keep me safe from monsters. Piece by piece, I saw all the things wrong with the beast, the qualities that made him the monster that he is. Finally one day, instead of thinking about all the qualities, I finally saw the entire monster that he is...the whole person...and so what my mind always does, it reverts back to how good life used to be. A life of ignorance, a life of bliss.  The sad thing is, at the end of the day, I cry...knowing that my dad is that terrible monster. My mom says that I should still love him, but who could love a monster? I just really wish that I was the crazy one, imagining all this up...because this reality is so dismal.Yet...I so foolishly come to wonder if he has really cared this entire time, or if my trust has been used as bait for his many traps? So, would you rather live a life of ignorance, or bliss?

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Music

 Have you ever had a terrible day, and just wanted to scream along with Lincoln Park, or some other hard core music? I definitely have, and it's a horrible habit to break. I actually quit that habit last year, and my life has changed dramatically. There are still days that it seems like the cells in my body long for that kind of music, like a drug, but I turn on some feel good music and I change my mind. Why is it that our bodies crave the things that are the worst for us? Maybe it's what we grow on ourselves, what we're used to, and we're craving for something familiar, and solid. That music will never change, or falter. When I think of My Chemical Romance, I don't remember what the words said, I remember all the days I cried, because it made me think of the sad things in my life I couldn't change. When I come across Simple Plan, I don't remember how punk they are, I remember how I sang to them when my dad took my brothers away from my mom and I. Music can change how you view the world, it can alter your whole perspective. It can make you happy, or sad. It's that way, because it's art, and art has a way of doing that to people (only the great art, anyway). As an artist, I have to realize what kind of affect my art can have on other people, so I hide it away from everyone. I surround myself with it in my room, and say..."this is me...this is who I am". Why do I have to be what my art is? I don't. I can make a change, as can you. I can draw a new picture, do something different, and turn on a new radio station. At the end of the day, I just have to realize that feeling bad isn't a bad thing, but when doing it intentionally...it's a terrible thing. So don't let music, or the world dictate how you felt about today.

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Bike Ride

This weekend, I went on two bike rides and while I was struggling in the middle of the two and a half hour ride, I thought about how this ride could be related to life. (Keep in mind that when going on adventures with my dad, you never know where you'll end up, or how far you'll have to go). When you start, it all seems so exciting, and great! You have your water and the bike that is so amazing, you wouldn't ask for another one. It's not that it's the best bike (life) out there, but it's what you're used to. While going up the hills (difficult times in your life), you just wish you could back peddle. Go back to the beginning, when everything seemed so easy. Life isn't like that, and neither are bikes. You can back peddle all you want, but you'll just end up stopping, unless you're on a hill. When you come to a turning point in your trip, you're excited because you get the opportunity to see everything again. What you fail to realize is this...it was greater the first time, or maybe you just magnified the awesomeness of what was around you in the past. When you're almost at the end (or the beginning again), you realize that you're almost out of water, and energy. You can't really remember how far you have to go, because you're so exhausted, but you finish the task with water left over.

Life is a lot like riding a bike! When it gets the roughest, you shut your eyes tight just to find the will within yourself to go on. The funny thing about closing your eyes is you miss things you would have noticed if your eyes were open. We often find the greatest things in the most terrible times of our lives. We meet people that we need to, make an impression, or even learn a life lesson. The problem is keeping both our eyes and minds open. When you do this, you would be surprised what kind of things will rush into your life; or even what great things were already in your life.  

BEGIN SOMETHING NEW TODAY.